Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Breasts, and the Women Who Wear Them

by Mxyzptlk

We all know that if men got breast cancer (and a few do) in the numbers women do, we'd be well on the way to a cure, if not there already.

Some enterprising bloggers have found a way to bring focus to this during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with the 5th annual Boobie-Thon October 1 - 7. Yes, women of all sizes and stripes (and a few guys, judging by past years) will post pix in hopes that others will donate to assist with efforts to find a cure. Take a look at last year's creative pix to get you revving.

Thanks to the self-described "well-hung" Katie Schwartz for spreading the word. I can't wait to scan the pix and guess which one is her.

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Skid Marks

by Mxyzptlk

"On National Underwear Day, underwear finally gets the recognition it truly deserves," said Michael Kleinmann. "We've had lots of public participation, with New Yorkers showing their panties and joining the festivities.

How is that day different from any other day? In New York and other cities, underwear has been outerwear for some years now. And with Vickie's not-so-Secret-stuff blasted all over network TV, it's hard to argue undies don't get the attention they "deserve."

As a male imp, mind you, I'm not complaining. I like to see lacy slips worn as dresses, bras and bra-straps showing, thongs peeking out behind women's trousers. Not thrilled about seeing boxers riding well above guys' low-rider jeans, however.

Remember when they couldn't show live models in bra commercials, and there was Jane Russell standing next to a mannequin saying how her Playtex bra "lifts and separates" (as a kid, I wondered what it lifted and separated) for "us full-figured gals" (also wondered what that meant).

Long before my eyes found Playboy or National Geographic, there was the Sunday New York Times Magazine. That had the hottest lingerie ads. And of course, I thought it was pronounced leengeree.

The trend I really don't understand is men going to skivvies without an operable fly. Seems we want less convenience for some reasons. Or maybe we had the equivalent of VPL...VFL? I dunno, but I want to get in and out of the latrine as fast as possible, and having to undo the belt and everything else just slows one down.

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Friday, September 15, 2006

Surging Toward The Lowest Common Denominator

by Mxyzptlk

If the Today Show already had a rep for being lightweight, despite being produced by the NBC News Division, we hadn't seen nuthin' yet until the debut of Meredith Vieira. It appears the only thing keeping the credibility roof from caving in on that show was Katie Couric, of all people.

Quoth Meredith on her first day:

"I feel like it's the first day at school and I'm sitting next to the cutest guy!"

Mxyzptlk: As Vieira said this she grabbed Matt Lauer's hands. He waited a moment and tossed her hands off.

Meredith thought balloon: "Yeah and next time they want to know 'Where in the World is Matt Lauer' they can look under my skirt!"

"I'm going to be the 'broad' in broadcasting."

Mxyzptlk: This will give a boost to young women graduating journalism school.

Meredith thought balloon: "Why don't I have any news cred?"

"I had a hamster named Al, growing up. He's dead."

Mxyzptlk: Roker better watch the hell out.

Meredith thought balloon: "He was cute and furry, just like me."

"At the end of the day, who looks stupid?"

Mxyzptlk: Why, you do, sweetheart!

Meredith thought balloon: "Thank God Lauer's dumber than me...I think. But I don't know what I'm going to do about the Curry bitch."

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Saturday, September 09, 2006

The Tit Changed Everything

By LARRY NEUMEISTER, Associated Press Sept. 3, 2006

NEW YORK - Broadcasters say the hesitancy of some CBS affiliates to air a powerful Sept. 11 documentary next week proves there's been a chilling effect on the First Amendment since federal regulators boosted penalties for television obscenities after Janet Jackson's breast was exposed at a Super Bowl halftime show.

"This is example No. 1," said Martin Franks, executive vice president of CBS Corp., of the decision by two dozen CBS affiliates to replace or delay "9/11" — which has already aired twice without controversy — over concerns about some of the language used by the firefighters in it.

As Bill Maher, referring to "Janet Jackson's sneak tit attack on America" said, "9-11 didn't change anything, but the tit changed everything." (Real Time, Sept. 8, 2006)

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why does Pink want to kill Britney Spears?

By Mxyzptlk

Because Britney made a good $75 million more than Pink did slutting for Pepsi, and yet had no idea what she was selling.

When they launched Pepsi Vanilla a couple of years ago, the had Britney headline the NFL kick-off concert on our tax-supported National Mall. This was the biggest product launch in years for Pepsi and they spun up the p.r. machine.

A day or so before the big event, Britney was interviewed on CNN by that King of Kulture, Tucker - I may come from money but I once worked in a baked bean factory - Carlson:

SPEARS: I really do like Pepsi.
CARLSON: Really?
SPEARS: I really do.
CARLSON: What's your favorite kind?
SPEARS: My favorite kind of Pepsi? Pepsi's Pepsi.
You can still hear the sound of a Pepsi marketing executive's head rolling.

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Half Brains' Half Eatens Bought by Half Wits

by Joe Fresser

Let's say you are a wealthy pop star and her husband, at a music industry event where everything from "4-star style entrees to deep fried goodness" are available at a buffet. What would you choose?

You guessed it! An egg salad sandwich and a corn dog.

And let's say you weren't that peckish and didn't finish your meal. What would you expect to happen?

Well, of course! A waiter would save your leftovers and sell them on eBay.

Of course, no-one would be so stupid and crass as to actually buy them, would they?

Indeed, the Golden Palace Casino shelled out $500+ for this treasure. See the eBay page here.

One wonders what they'll do with it. Probably be the big payoff for the $10 slots.

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Monday, September 04, 2006

Denver Concrete

by Mxyzptlk

Considering the time I've spent studying your three-dimensional ways, it always surprises me when I find myself stumped, as happened recently when my friend from Denver USA sent me this picture taken in his neighborhood.

I've always understood that when you said someone was "laid" it was a crass reference to having sex.

Now I am wondering who or what had sex with a slab of concrete.

The part I definitely understand is that there was a contractor involved.

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A Supergroup for Geezers

by Lex Luthier

Remember the Supergroup concept? Like Blind Faith? Get together some out-of-work guys from formerly successful groups and call 'em Super? Yeah, and who the hell was the bassist in Blind Faith? Never heard of him. Might as well as had a ringer like the Doors, B52s or Stones do now.

I've got a real candidate here:

Think about a formerly great band whose drummer flamed out years ago and bassist dropped dead more recently. And yet their guitarist, also a great composer, and lead singer, are still with us and quite unfortunately still touring under the banner of that group

Then think of another band -- long ago disbanded -- whose rhythm guitarist, also a lead singer, was cut down by a madman, and whose lead guitarist succombed to disease a few years ago. But the drummer is still with us, and sadly, still trying to sing. Their bassist also is alive, and not a bad singer, although his ability in the area of composition left him many years ago. He's a bit distracted right now by a messy divorce.

Seems to me if you put them together we have:

1. Lead guitarist and great composer
2. Lead singer
3. Bassist, not such a great composer any more, but he can still sing, especially harmony
4. Drummer (keep his mike off)

And now I'm pleased to present:

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The Fifth Dimension

by Mxyzptlk

I'd like to start by clearing the air about The Fifth Dimension.

You humans have strange ideas about The Fifth Dimension.

This overrated quintet of singers on the left that recorded mediocre versions of songs by great composers such as Laura Nyro is not The Fifth Dimension.

Your Wikipedia states The Fifth Dimension is " a hypothetical extra dimension beyond the usual three spatial and one time dimensions."

Why, there is nothing hypothetical about it! Else how could I be writing and posting this message from it.

Clearly, you humans cannot comprehend The Fifth Dimension, and that is your loss.

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