Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Not enough junk in the blogosphere, so...

Another useless meme. Don't know whether to blame writeprocrastinator or Katie Schwartz for this one. I'll blame Katie.

DO YOU SNORE?

We don't sleep here in the 5th dimension.

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
I'm a fighter. I fight Superman

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Losing my stash of Kryptonite.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
I was an Animaniac.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF REALITY TV?
Archaelogists finding recordings of these shows in 500 years will understand exactly what our culture was about.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I chew on my fingernails.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
I'm the one for which the doctors coined the phrase, "The baby is ugly."

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
Enough people have told me to fuck myself, that I think I'm a couple.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
I don't have one. I compose telepathically.

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
I don't shower.

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
No, it's a stupid human trick.

ANY SECRET TALENTS?
Refer back to that fuck yourself answer.

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
Krypton.

CAN YOU SWIM?
With the sharks.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
No, Lonnie Lighto.

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
I hate Queens.

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
Depends how far up Katie's ass it is.

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
If I do that, I lose my powers over Superman.

DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
I like to sharpen my little dick manually.

WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
A deer stand.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
Refer back to that fuck yourself answer.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes, it's beautiful, like a doctor's.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Lex Luther.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, I LOVE YOU?
Refer back to that fuck yourself answer.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
That's when I laugh.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
McMuffin

ARE BLONDES DUMB?
Yes, and I like them that way.

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Stuck to the sheets by static electricity.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
Too late.

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Mister Mister.

IS MCDONALDS DISGUSTING?
Refer back to the eggs response.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
I travel by teletransport.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Neither.

IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
He was until I shot him for kissing my mommy.

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Haven't figured out how to do that myself.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
I prefer white people.

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Fear and loathing.

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Jif creamy, because I cream in a jif.

CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
No, but I can crack my nuts.

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
No, but I've helped put other people there.

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
Yes, I like free drugs.

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
Refer back to the snoring response.

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
White.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
What's not to like.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
I see dead Supermen.

HAVE YOU READ CATCHER IN THE RYE?
Such a shame that Yogi Berra was a drunk.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
I play Superman like a violin.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Money can't buy you love.

CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
Prefer Segway.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
Yes, I particulartly enjoy shitting in the woods.

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
What's so funny? You think I'm funny, do you?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
God is alive, magic is afoot.

ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
Only when they bite Superman.

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
Such a shame about Lois and Jimmy.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
I stowed away on Apollo 11.

DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
I'm perfect.

IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
As a witches tit.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Chocolate covered ants.

DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Yes, but only the clear stuff.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW?
I hate people.

WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
"What's the story, Jerry?"

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
I burned it down.

FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
!aH aH yawA eM ekaT ot gnimoC er'yehT by Napolen XIV

And finally my question:
CAN'T WE COME UP WITH ANY BETTER QUESTIONS?

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5 comments:

Writeprocrastinator said...

First, blame me.

"I was an Animaniac."

Goodnight everybody!

"Archaelogists finding recordings od these shows in 500 years will understand exactly what our culture was about."

Jesus, I've never mulled that over until now. I do not want to be represented by those goons and goobers!

"Enough people have told me to fuck myself, that I think I'm a couple."

If you were California, I'd swear that we work for the same company.

I loved the meme, especially the Superman references.

sonia said...

There are some unbelievably boring memes circulating in the blogosphere, but this one definitely takes the cake.

The most exciting question seems to be ''What are you allergic to ?''.... Stupid memes, perhaps ?

I linked to this post on my blog here.

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

WP - truly, I blame Canada. I know you're particularly sensitive to "unscripted" (ha!) shows, so happy to have given you even more reason to hate them.

SB - Thanks for the link. But mostly, thanks for your profile picture. But really, I read your blog for the articles. Thanks for the link!

katie schwartz said...

you are so fucking funny, I can't stand it. I laughed my ass off. did you feel it? I think you popped out.

you're a respectable wise ass.

I want more personal info.

I've always wondered about the saying, "colder than a witches tit." what does this mean? shouldn't it be colder than a corpse's tit?

Mister Mxyzptlk said...

It was easy for me to pop out, I'm so small and you're...

From phrases.org.uk:
The simple explanation is that "colder than a witch's tit" is just a vivid metaphor, like "hotter than the hinges of hell." Since a
witch is in league with Satan, presumably she has no maternal feelings. Thus the medium by which she would suckle a child is,
well, cold as a witch's tit.